Entering motherhood: reality vs expectation

Little man will be 17th months in 8 days.

Almost 17 months gone by since entering motherhood.

And over 17 months since I last made a blog on this post.

……

I think that says a lot to me.

There’s so much I want to write about and a lot of things I’ve had to learn and embrace that I would love to channel that into some sort of creative project whether it’s a book, or a collection of paintings or illustrations. Or even podcast or dare I say it a Youtube videos? This choices are endless and most of the things have been said before. But not by me.

I will state some more facts just for context as of now:

I’m currently living in North London. With my toddler son. His dad and I have separated. The sun is now shining. It’s Leo season.

I’ve had some time to reflect on things, especially with a CBT therapist. And also because I’m that personality type that likes to reflect and think and feel. There’s so much.

There’s no doubt motherhood changes you. Life changes you. Whether is a beautiful energetic little human or life situations. But out of the many, many, many things I’ve learnt by choice or by life circumstance is that there is an inner strength to me. A new version of me that I haven’t really come across whether that’s the mum role or the Meron role. There’s a certain courage and truth that comes to me. Because whether I life it or not, I’ve got power now. And with great power comes great responsibility, as the saying goes. Time is such a luxury even more than ever. It’s learning what choices and thoughts and emotions and decision I put into time because of the power.

m=p+n/t.

If you want a formula. Meron or anyone else for that matter (m)=power (p) + choices (n) divided (/) by the time (t) we have on this earth.

Anyways. That’s a little simplistic but you know what I mean. Right? I usually don’t reflect on life this way so only god and the universe knows why I’ve decided this way for now. It’s fun.

My focus now is, what do I do now? I keep making blogs – definitely. About everything. But what do I do with all this ongoing experience packed into 18moths? hmmmm. Formula? Lol. Hmmm probably not. Errrr God/universe/higher power, can you help me out here?
seaside

Photo of me and little man at the seaside. Why not?

Be honest now.

Earlier on my Facebook Artist Page post, I made some decisions to free up my time a little more and put quality over quantity rather than do a  million things at once – which I always end up doing – because my ambition usually outweighs my skills. Just keeping it real.

fb post

I had to be really honest with myself, which let’s face it, I’m the eternal idealist so this raw honest discussion with myself does escape my reach at times!

shareefa

I recently watched Shareefa Energy talk about her new poem called ‘Duality’ in which she  talks about her relationship with her poetry and being true to yourself and the journey you take.

“Day in, day out we meet people, people are like ‘yeah, I’m cool, I’m okay’ and nobody really comes with an honesty about how they are feeling.”

When talking about her poetry, she goes on to say:

“It’s about allowing people to resonate with your art…just learning to be more authentic with yourself and with each other…”

“…I’m part of this so called conscious poetry scene or whatever it is, and I think a lot time people like to play it out like we’re all just light…but the reality of us as human beings, we’re very complex…I am sometimes light and I am sometimes dark”.

She’s so right!

I’m at a point in my life where I’m trying to establish a style or personal stamp of my artwork that’s true to me and how I am as a person. And it can be kinda daunting at first to really put it out on the line, especially if, like me, you’re still prone to self-criticism, and self-judgement. But then on the flip side, it’s so liberating to finally be like ‘YES, this is me love it or hate it I don’t care!’ There’s a sense of ownership and pride that you’re being real and who ever is interacting positively with you, is genuine.

I also randomly came across this point in a documentary about Eminem of all people where he was commenting on when he first released his debut album ‘Infinite’ and it flopped. He mentions after a lot of style changes and drama going on in his life and talking more about macabre subjects like drug overdoses and not trying to please everyone with what he thinks should be heard, then that’s when people started paying attention to him and taking him more seriously in the hip-hop world:

“It seemed like as soon as I stopped giving a **** about what I was saying, people started giving a ****. It was like a reverse affect, like **** you I don’t care if you like me or not – oh we like you now”.

It’s funny how these things are presenting themselves to me as a sort of signal.

I’ve always been about listening to people’s stories and point of view. And it really does give you motivation and sense of profound depth when Truth is being exposed and presented to you, especially in random ways. I hope I can share my profound truths to, but for now, I’m blogging and trying to show this in my artwork.

 

 

Shareefa Energy is a spoken word artist, poet, international woman and facilitator. She currently works with a charity organisation called Stop Watch giving workshops to the community about knowing your rights when being stopped and searched.

Her new single Duality is out now to embrace. Go to www.shareefaenergy.com or visit her FB page @shareefaenergy and Instagram page @shareefaenergy