All my life I’ve felt a sense of shame in being emotional or crying about things or being sensitive as if it’s a socially unacceptable thing to do. My mum never cried in front of me or my sister apart from when her mother passed away. And my father never did either. So I grew up learning the best thing to do was to keep all my emotions inside of me because ‘that’s what we all do in the family’. Sooo many times I’ve been called “dramatic” or “over emotional” or “being stupid” but truth is, I feel things so much more than most. I’m highly sensitive, and I’m also a natural idealist and optimist, so my world comes crashing down several times a day. I sometimes had wished I had a medical condition so that people (by people I mean family) could believe me. Yeah I know it sounds sad. But when you put a professional label, all of sudden, you’re a good person but with some defects? As oppose to a ‘cry baby’?
Granted, my emotional resilience wasn’t as strong as it is now (not that I’m massively resilient now) so things could seem more chaotic looking outside in. But sometimes I just wish I knew what I know now (hind sight….what can I say) that it’s okay to cry, it’s okay to let it out, to feel so damn frustrated and worried and sad and to just cry those tears without feeling guilty for it. To embrace it and to own it, and then do something with it and move on.
All my life, this has been one of my ‘Achilles heels’, and now after 32 years, starting to really own it. It’s okay to cry. It’s OKAY. In fact it’s healthy to let it out, as long as you can move on with it. It’s like sneezing – all that climax and buildup to a little sneeze then you feel a whole lot better. You might have many sneezes in a row and have a sneezing fit but eventually you’ll stop, rub/wipe your nose and continue your day. It’s part of life. Getting rid of the mucus. The gunk. And making way for a happier breath inwards.
I’m writing this after just crying over my living situation, feeling displaced, feeling sorry for myself. But writing this now actually makes me feel 100 times better. I ACTUALLY don’t feel guilty and self-absorbed about crying. I’m not a ‘cry baby’, I’m a highly sensitive, intuitive, emotional human being going through the motions of life situations. And if (or should I say when) I wan to cry, then it’s okay. As long as I take in some perspective and move on. Thank you, next!