Err, I like you…but can we really be friends?

I’ve come to realise that I’ve never been in a platonic relationship/friendship before. That is to say, I’ve never had a proper friendship with a guy before. I’m the type of person who is very selective with people (introvert alert) that I want to be friends with so I might have quite a lot of “friends” but a small handful of proper friends.

And then throw in a guy.

In the past it’s been….Errmmm. Messy.

I end up thinking this person is a potential long-term boyfriend, when really he just wants a bit of hanky panky. So I’ve consciously been very wary of guys who want to be intimate but without the commitment i.e. “the wasteman”.

But here’s the thing.

There’s recently been a guy I feel such an instant connection (mentally, emotionally, spiritually) with since he pursued me in my local supermarket (which showed balls to say the least). I’m thinking he wants some hanky-panky or even dating but we both have declared that we just want to be friends. Yet there’s still some underlaying chemistry or flirting going on, I feel, because even now and then there’s a flirty text.

I’m happy to be friends with him, because I genuinely feel he’s good friend material. But I can’t help wondering if men and women can really have a platonic relationship? At least with this person and I.

Things are good and I don’t want to spoil it with him since we’ve only been getting to know each other for a few weeks and we live locally. I think about him a lot. A LOT. And I like receiving messages from him throughout the day even if it’s about domestic things. Which is why I feel like this is something more than friendship. It’s deeeeeep.

I’ve had the habit of rushing into situationships/romances and perhaps forcing some sort of bond because im such an idealist. (I’m a real life hippy deep down). And then for it to come crashing down.

And there’s another thing. I’m a single mum – a tiny part of me feels like he just wants a bit of fun because he might think single mums are easier, sexually (which to be honest some are, but I am most definitely not).

Am I facing falling into another rabbit hole, or can I really shape this into a true friendship?

Well, I’m leaving it up to the universe, quite frankly. I just want a decent person who won’t play games, who is genuine, who likes me for me, who wants to find peace and harmony, who wants to live to their full potential, share life experiences with and have a bit of innocent fun at the same time. Is that too much to ask from me and a guy without sex or romance???

I’ll give it a go but really it’s above me now.

And if it doesn’t go well…the I guess… it will hurt like a mo fo, but I’ll put it down to life experience.

Entering motherhood: reality vs expectation

Little man will be 17th months in 8 days.

Almost 17 months gone by since entering motherhood.

And over 17 months since I last made a blog on this post.

……

I think that says a lot to me.

There’s so much I want to write about and a lot of things I’ve had to learn and embrace that I would love to channel that into some sort of creative project whether it’s a book, or a collection of paintings or illustrations. Or even podcast or dare I say it a Youtube videos? This choices are endless and most of the things have been said before. But not by me.

I will state some more facts just for context as of now:

I’m currently living in North London. With my toddler son. His dad and I have separated. The sun is now shining. It’s Leo season.

I’ve had some time to reflect on things, especially with a CBT therapist. And also because I’m that personality type that likes to reflect and think and feel. There’s so much.

There’s no doubt motherhood changes you. Life changes you. Whether is a beautiful energetic little human or life situations. But out of the many, many, many things I’ve learnt by choice or by life circumstance is that there is an inner strength to me. A new version of me that I haven’t really come across whether that’s the mum role or the Meron role. There’s a certain courage and truth that comes to me. Because whether I life it or not, I’ve got power now. And with great power comes great responsibility, as the saying goes. Time is such a luxury even more than ever. It’s learning what choices and thoughts and emotions and decision I put into time because of the power.

m=p+n/t.

If you want a formula. Meron or anyone else for that matter (m)=power (p) + choices (n) divided (/) by the time (t) we have on this earth.

Anyways. That’s a little simplistic but you know what I mean. Right? I usually don’t reflect on life this way so only god and the universe knows why I’ve decided this way for now. It’s fun.

My focus now is, what do I do now? I keep making blogs – definitely. About everything. But what do I do with all this ongoing experience packed into 18moths? hmmmm. Formula? Lol. Hmmm probably not. Errrr God/universe/higher power, can you help me out here?
seaside

Photo of me and little man at the seaside. Why not?