2020 vision

It’s almost New Year’s Day, and although I’ve given up trying to set New Years resolutions I still like to reflect about the past, the future.

There’s a buzz about 2020, the start of a new decade. Astrology and numerology suggest that it’s a year of big change and the turning point for growth and success for the collective. Big things are going to happen and I believe it.

20/20 is also the number for optometrists when measuring clarity. That’s the ultimate goal isn’t it, having amazingly clear vision. And using that divine vision to push through with big dreams through tenacity and work.

I’ve been really interested in tarot readings recently, especially general free ones on YouTube and learnt so much spiritually and about my self also.

It’s given me a push into trusting God, the universe, spirits, angels, archangels and all the higher powers and so far I’ve seen such a change for the better.

I know I’m guided by higher powers for the interests of myself and for all people on this planet and in this lifetime and the next. The big picture is a lot bigger than I realise. It’s a lot bigger than us humans. It’s indescribable. But I can feel it.

But still there’s some part of me that isn’t letting go of fears. Especially to do with my art. My creativity. What I have to offer. I enjoy a bit of control but it’s killing my creativity. I like who I am now, but I still feel like I’m blocked.

As I go into the new year I want to look, even deeper and trust even harder than ever before and not give up on my dreams. The time is now. This year WILL be a year of fortune success. If I don’t act now I may lose all the hard work I’ve put into myself throughout 2019. And that would be a shame, cos I’ve got all this gold dust sprinkled all in my blood and soul waiting to be released and infused into the world, into the universe.

Don’t give up, girl. Your time is coming very, very soon.

The universe and all the higher powers have your back. So turn around.

And see the magic happen.

My best creation: Baby boy – pt. 1

It’s literally my due date today (Wednesday 7th March 2018) which means I’m 40 weeks pregnant and expecting my baby boy any day soon.

My last blog post was 8 months ago funnily enough. And it’s actually the first one of 2018  (I have a mini post on Instagram featuring my top 9 posts of 2017).

But I’m back! And I aim to continue posting every month at least as I initially started.

I’m wondering where all the time went….!

Finding out

I did a pregnancy test on Monday 10th July 2017. I remember this date very clearly as it was the date I eventually told my partner.

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It’s definitely positive!

I was so nervous because we weren’t at our best point in our relationship. There was a lapse in trust and a strong need for space between each other. I had moved out recently and living in a house share and we were working through things. Naturally I thought he would run a mile, because hey it’s a way out. But I should have trusted his sense of duty. Either way I knew he had to know.

He pumped his fist in the air, and genuinely smiled with the warmest smile.

And of course I cried.

Not for fear but for relief. Relief that my faith in him and in us had been restored. There was hope that we could make something beautiful out of a tricky situation. That even though a baby doesn’t cure a relationship, there was something that we both wanted to fight for, to nurture, to love that depended on us and it was our chance to make things good.

And naturally we kissed and hugged it out.

We both wanted children in our relationship and although unplanned, I think this gave us the clarity to decide what we needed to do next and finish tying up any uncertainties. It’s all or nothing. In or out.

We chose all in.

And it’s the best thing that can happen so far. Surprisingly.

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Ultrasound scan at 14 weeks + 6

 

When being black, female and sensitive just gets too much…

Earlier I went to the South London Gallery in Peckham to visit their current exhibition ‘The place is here’. It’s actually a decent exhibition with a collection of videos, photographs, mixed media pieces and archives relating to prominent black British art and artists in the 1980’s and 1990’s, at the time of Afrocentrism and riots.

I was there for a fair bit as I wanted to really get a sense of the space and the content. [context – I used to study black British art of this particular period as part of my history of art degree at SOAS…SOAS represent!! 🙌🏾]

There were artists I knew of like Eddie Chambers, Kieth Piper, Sonya Boyce, Mona Hatoum and Rasheed Araeen. So it was great to see their works close up! Although it didn’t help that when I arrived staff there decided to walk up near me and randomly have a convo about their personal life, like ‘Hello? I’m trying to engage with this video, not your life!’

I digress.

It was after when I exited the gallery that a very panic-stricken woman came up to me whilst I was texting on my phone and asked for money.

I usually just say sorry and keep going (keeping it real here). But she caught my attention so much I couldn’t ignore her.

She was in a right state. She begged for ÂŁ6 to help her pay her council tax bill as well as food for her children. “I”m suicidal! I tried to take my life earlier. I had to have sex to buy this [points to her carrier bag with a bread loaf in it], and he cummed in me and I have to get tested for AIDS now [and a lot more rambling that I couldn’t figure out because she was distressed]… I’m suicidal, I’m going to kill myself!!”

Wow.

“Don’t do that please”, I firmly said because who knows? She was that manic, that she may have just jumped in the road.

“Look at my feet, they’re all dirty… [mumbling again that I couldn’t make out as she was distressed]” She then took off her right shoe and revealed some dutty feet.

“It’s okay, you don’t need to do that” – This is going far now.

I gave her ÂŁ2 in the end – “no I need ÂŁ6” – I still gave her 2 quid and she was off.

Walking up to my bus stop, I was a mixed bag of emotions – what should I have done? Should I have just said sorry and walked away? Should I have googled a helpline for her? Should I have said “Everything is gunna be alright”. This lady looked Caribbean and distressed and I really felt for her but I still felt like I was being conned. But then, I just got out of an exhibition all about the struggles of British black people in the U.K. especially London, and here I am confronted by a real life example. I couldn’t help but to do something for my British black women community. But still.

I just felt helpless.

I knew my money probably didn’t go to her bills, but then this woman doesn’t need money. She needs a support system. People who have her back. People who can help her and won’t oppress her for having brown skin and curly Afro-Caribbean hair, for having outspoken opinions and a different form of banter. She may have had a history of mental health problems or just the struggle to have basic human rights is what made her this way. I don’t know. All I know is this shit ain’t right. And yes it’s upsetting. Today I really felt all the troubles and frustrations that people with brown skin have to endure in London. Sometimes it gets to me more than others and I do have a heavy heart…This shit ain’t right…

 

What would you do?

 

100 days – DONE

Finally after 100 days (originally 100 consecutive days) I have completed my little project #100daysofminicreations!!!

My main intentions for this project were to:

  1. maintain consistency and regularity
  2. continue exploration of artwork, and to
  3. capture a highlight or feeling of the day.

Link to my blog post – “100 days of mini creations!” in August 2016.

Did I do that overall?

  1. yes, somewhat (it’s a marathon not a race)
  2. yes, for sure
  3. yes.

Apart from the checklists, the start of this project was really a pivotal moment for me in my life. It was the start of my public art life.

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I have always been ‘into’ art and have always appreciated it – my family and friends will tell you so, but it wasn’t until this time that I made an active decision to make myself known to the world as an artist. Prior to that I was too afraid,  I had a lot of self-doubt about labelling myself as an artist, the pressure, the self-criticism (and still have, a little – I’m human right?) about my abilities, not being good enough or if I should just stick to the grind of a ‘proper job’.

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But, you know what, I’m glad I quit my full-time job. I took a major risk, and became unemployed for 2 months (scary), but I don’t have regrets and I already feel in a much better head space for it. If I didn’t do that, I wouldn’t have randomly done this project.

It was a really good chunk of time for me to really reflect and digest the ebbs and flows of my movements, my thought processes, who I am as an artist, who I am as an introverted private person and a contributor to social media, the power I have to influence people, what mini creations were more popular than others and why, what I did when I thought ‘nah i’ll do it next time’, what opportunities I got out of it (which I did get some!), the wonderful support and positivity I got from people, the people I know who really were loyal. For me mostly, it was also the confidence. The acceptance of myself and who I am and my ongoing learning, creative journey.

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Lastly I wanted to say a big massive thank you for all the people who really engaged with my creations and commented and who will probably be reading this! I am really appreciative and thankful for your support 🙂

Stay blessed,

Meron xx

 

 

 

 

Rant #1

 

When you get so ambitious, but your skills and experience don’t quite match up to your visions…yet.

It’s bloody frustrating!

You’re told “go fish” but not told/realise how hard it is to wait for the fish and keep the fish and then cook it.

I feel like to give up sometimes. But then quickly realise how foolish I’m being.

So THAT’s why patience is a virtue.

PATIENCE.

‘Tis what I need.

and some tea.

 

 

 

 

 

What a year! Trials and tribulations of 2016

2016 has been an AMAZING year for me which ever way I look at it – positively, in terms of my own success and quite shocking in terms of the world around me. *insert tragic world news here. Now that I think of it, it’s as if society’s shock waves are like a trigger to do more, to act more, to create more. I actually started off this year on this blog with the aim of writing at least one post every month because I usually let blog pages die. I can officially say I DID IT!

*Brexit, USA presidential elections, Syria, Unlawful black killings, DAPL, death of Prince,etc.

 

One important thing I learnt from this year was to take risks – to not be afraid to expose myself and my art work.

 

In the end I found it paid off (sometimes even literally).

I went from just trying to keep my blog alive to creating merondubale.com; pushing my artwork on Instagram, making networks; creating business cards; selling some of my art work; collaborating with great people; not to be afraid to use the term ‘artist’; setting up a Meetup.com women’s group twice a month; travelling to two countries and more importantly taking risks to go part-time, from a regular 9-5 Monday to Friday job, to follow my passions.

I’m going to share a personal thing—I set myself up a goals sheet that I put on my bedroom wall to focus on daily and keep me in track which I haven’t shared with anyone (apart from my boyfriend who I’ll give credit for giving me this idea):

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This was my original plan but things changed a little so it looks more like this:

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Things changed AGAIN, and now looks more like this:

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And once I finish writing my post I will write a new sheet for 2017.

It’s not been easy though…

Nothing, felt worse than knowing I was in the wrong type of job. I used to have constant anxiety, and intense feelings of not being where I wanted to be – even though my former colleagues were so supportive! I just knew I had to do something about it, and with good advice, I made the decision to leave, even though I didn’t have a job lined up straight away.

When I left my job in August, I was unemployed for 2 months and really stressing about whether or not this is the right thing to do: pursue my passions as an artist and facilitator. At the time I was really low. I felt like I may have made a big mistake. But with the support of my boyfriend, friends and reading up on ‘self-help’ books and positive messages, I refocused and pushed through.

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I have always questioned and explored the essence of who I am and what my soul purpose is in life. I feel, now, more than ever, myself and others are tuning in to this core element and becoming ‘woke’ – which is an amazing thing.

Staying true to who I am is one thing I will carry on into 2017, despite my insecurities and my challenges.

 

I’ve also learnt to listen to my intuition, my gut feeling – literally and metaphorically. It’s proved my right in so many occasions when I’ve not listened to it. I know I can tell when things aren’t quite ‘right’, but I don’t know how to resolve it. I need to act. Not ignore it but act.

I’ve checked online for Chinese and western astrology forecasts, as a I do every year, and I have to say it’s been fairly accurate! I’ve checked for this year and it makes COMPLETE SENSE. This (Chinese) year is the year of the Fire Rooster, which for me basically means hustle like BeyoncĂ© more than ever and success will keep coming.

Let’s do this!

M x

A little can go a long way

It’s been a hectic month leading up to Christmas with lots of exciting plans, projects and social visits going on – thank you God and the universe – but yesterday was a one of my highlights of that day.

I was on my way to meet my amazing friend. I was about to cross the road when a woman asks me politely “Excuse me, could you help me cross the road?” Of course I did. I assumed she was in her 70’s and had a shopping trolley/carrier with her. She took my arm and I started having a conversation about where she was from, where I was from etc. She was from Hong Kong originally and told me she had trouble walking sometimes because of her bad knee. She needed to sit down so she found a chair outside a pub. I told her to go inside where it was warmer but she didn’t want the fuss. I felt bad for leaving her there but I did have places to be and there were some men sitting near to her so I was sure they could help.

Call me a romantic or an idealist but those few minutes really touched my heart.

And credit to her for asking for help because sometimes pride can get in the way.

Her name was Lina.

Thank you Lina for that moment.

 

🙂

 

Autumn reminders.

I’m loving the autumn colours! I get so inspired by mother nature.
The transition of life, the transition of colours….

Change can be a beautiful thing, perhaps not at the time of change but once you stand back and can reflect on it. You realise how powerful or significant it is. Change will always happen, in many ways and forms. Sometimes at the time negative, sometimes positive. It can be a struggle to go through the motions. It may feel like the world is against you. A pressure to stay afloat and on top of things to counteract the dynamics of change. Sometimes we resist change, sometimes we don’t want it in our lives. “I’m happy being comfortable!”, “I don’t want to move, it’s nice and cosy here!”.

I’m not going to lie, I have those moments too. I just want to curl up in my be and not go outside. But then when life gets stagnant and boring, what do we do? Change. Really, it’s inevitable.

If we can harness the perspective to take it as it is, and admire it for its powers, I think life will be more fulfilling and more satisfying.

Knowing that change will benefit in the future, – provided there is positive action- should be truly appreciated. We don’t grow if we don’t change!

Talk about it! (mental and spirtual health – Part 2)

It seems to me, living in London, being brought up in an African/British household and community, and having reserved, conservative parents have definitely made accessing counselling or psychotherapy really off-putting. Team that up with a society where the previously expected formula for a successful is ‘go to uni + do a masters + do an internship = job’, and it increases more symptoms of decreasing mental health!

‘Sick, twisted people go the mental hospital’, ‘Are you mental? Are you sick in the head?’ – It’s this kind of statements and utterings that are often conveyed within a lot of households. The image of the distressed, rough looking person with a straight jacket and a constant twitch that eludes danger and insanity is commonly in the minds of a lot of people where mental health is involve. THIS NEEDS TO CHANGE. 

Many people are suffering the same things but are afraid that it will make them seem weak. A negative label hanging over their heads like their an outcast to society. It’s simply not true. There are many ways to deal with our stresses and issues in life. Meditation is common place. Going tot he gym. Having sex. (Okay maybe not so much as a long term solution, but it gives some endorphines to us). Praying. Art therapy, dance therapy, drama therapy, etc. Talking to someone about it….like…a friend, stranger, or going to a qualified counsellor at a local health clinic. Even creating online groups to discuss about certain topics like anxiety. It helps.

I’ve tried counselling and told one or two people about it that aren’t family, because again of the social stigma. But I’m putting it out there now. And it helps. It’s one of many ways to work on issues that we all suffer from. Having an objective point of view within a completely confident environment and a professional experienced approach makes a difference. I had about six sessions – it was a free service available at uni – but even then it made me see a little ‘out of myself’. It gave me some distance and perspective that I appreciated because I didn’t think about it that way before. Luckily it was free as well. I have to admit, many private health services cost an arm and a leg, which makes it even more inaccessible.

It’s funny that in the States it’s not a big of a deal to have a psychotherapist on hand. Or have a marriage counsellor (or at least its more accepted in society). But in the UK, it seems like a very big deal. Why? Hmm.

It seems that discussing mental health publicly or at least having a person to talk to about is a real demand – even in a world where everyone is ‘talking’ (communicating ) on social media.

Happy #WorldMentalHealthday ! Keep sharing.

On my next post in this series I will be talking about Art therapy as it is a new found appreciation of mine, and more.

Please share your experiences, stories or opinions whatever it may be. I would love to do podcasts or interviews with anyone who would like to share and contribute towards future posts in the series. You can always contact me directly on my email mm.dubale@gmail.com.

🙂

Stay blessed,

Meron x